by Geetika Bhandari on Jul 4, 2023
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Healthy, happy relationships are so important for our well-being and happiness. A Community where all of us can talk about relationship issues, how to fix them, and how to nurture rich connections and bonds.
I have been in a relationship since 4 years which included a breakup and patch up on between. I faced so many traumas because of his insecurities and now at this point when he is putting all the efforts and doing all the good things that I always wished , i would have been happy if it was before but this feels like too late and I am not getting and feelings on wtever he is doing. plus I am also attracted to a man who is so caring and who's love languages is like exactly mine. My current boyfriends ' love language is different. I am just not knowing wt to do but all this nonsense is disturbing me from months. My boyfriend encourages me, supports me through downs and I am his first priority but except these our daily life doesnt have that spark and i don't think such sparks existed any time. This only feels like friendship now. wt do you advisee to do.
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317d
・answered 317 days ago
Hi anonymous, I hear you and empathise with what you are going through. It is natural for the negativity charge to get accumulated over the years and just as things are seeing to improve, one of the partners feels that the threshold is broken and they no longer feel attached to the person or the relationship. When you are caught between the attitudes and behaviors of two individuals who happen to be current or potential partners, it is important to take a step back and focus a bit more on yourself. It helps to see what you like in your life and how you can bring that in, without having to depend on another individual to fill your cup. Right now it appears that the lack you found in one person, you seem to find it filled by the other. This situation itself can cause a confirmation bias and you will be less likely to evaluate the relationships from a more objective lens as you are functioning from a comparative plane.
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316d
・answered 316 days ago
hi Anonymous let me first congratulate you to have the courage to accept this fact... Many go through similar situation but do not own it up or at times end up finding fault with themselves etc to answer your question.. what does your heart say... listen to it. often times we have the answer but are not willing to accept it... As you mentioned your partner in the first relationship is putting efforts to change which means he is serious about it and wants things to work... You were in that relationship because there was some connect... aas time passes we generally take things and people and even relationship s fir granted ... that's what could behave happened whichbis where you missed the spark! the newer relationship is new so the spark is der.... what if.... after some time you may find the spark missing there as well.. ask yourself what you want a strong bond , loyal friend or just spark in the relationship... Trust your gut feeling and go with it good luck 👍
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